shinjukudivision | (no subject)

[He wants to tell Jakurai that taking care of yourself is... hard and rough. But it needs to happen. It needs to be done. Sometimes you don't have the capacity to deal with everything that you're expected to deal with and that's fine. He's pretty sure that not everyone unpacks things the same way either.

He deepens the kiss, if Jakurai lets him.]

[the hesitation is there, for a split second. it's proof for how long it's been since he let himself go that he can remember - he's sure that things happen when he blacks out, things he can never remember and maybe doesn't want to. but this...this is safe. if he loosens his hold on his own self by degrees, he'll be okay. he has to believe that, else how can he be someone to give advice? to help?

so he parts his lips and lets Doppo in, encourages him to do what he wants, to explore this uncharted territory. it'll be fine.]

[There are one stop away, if not approaching a full make out. he never would have thought that the doctor would give him this much. If any at all. It was harder for him to fathom things like this as more than navel gazing. Doppo is also pretty sure that he just wants Jakurai to let go and be a little more liberal with what he wants.

He deprives himself of so much that he honestly deserves.

Doppo is starting to wonder if he should take his own advice.]

[the one step is taken, and Jakurai wraps one arm around Doppo's shoulders, pulling him closer. he feels better than he has in a long time - he wants, it floods through him, for this to be imperfect and desire and something he can sink into. Doppo spoke of his feelings and maybe this is too much, too fast, but Jakurai can always back off the moment a whisper of a "no" is there.

he wants Doppo to enjoy this as well, to fall in with him - who could see? who could tell them no, if they actually tried to practice what they preached?]

[There would be absolutely not a single person to stop them right now. Not a single person could come between them. He's happy in this spot right now, and being "happy" is not something that he normally thinks too much of, nor feels very often.

Finally Doppo gives in to Jakurai's parted lips, testing the waters and running their tongues together. Though, Doppo still seems a little shy even in this regard.]

[shy he might be, but Jakurai is less so, so ready to give Doppo what he seeks and wants from him until they're breathless, until his face is flushed from it. it makes them both happy, to be here right now and indulging their wants, and Jakurai wants nothing more than to kiss Doppo and encourage him to be greedy until that shyness has been drained from him for the night.

technically, a doctor shouldn't be involved with his patient. but when they're also in a rap group together and friends, Jakurai would say the boundaries become much different. they have to be, in order to have their tongue in your mouth and a warmth flushing your face.]

[It takes nothing but time for him to be drained of his shyness. The more they kiss, the bolder he becomes. Before long he even has a hand cupping Jakurai's face to keep him tilted towards him and in the place and angle that feels right for him.

When finally, Doppo has to part for air. Resting his forehead on Jakurai's. He doesn't want to be apart for long nor does he really want to part at all. But... here they are. Gazing into one another's eyes.]

...Doppo...

[his face is flushed, his lips still close to Doppo's. his eyes don't leave him - if Jakurai's expression says anything, it's that he's into this. perhaps a little needy.]

Is it...maybe, that sometimes Jakurai is a little needy too?

[Because Jakurai deprives himself. Because Jakurai is a man who gives others his entire being in service and care. He rests his forehead against Jakurai's. He knows for a fact that he could love this man.

Maybe he already does.]

[so close, hearing Doppo speak his name, there is no defense. there is no alternative but the direct truth. he's cracked himself open some, to let Doppo see - he trusts him dearly, with his life, with his being like this.

he'd nod if not for the worry that he'd knock his head into Doppo's. so instead, he summons up his courage to say a word that shouldn't be this hard.]

Yes.

[yes, sometimes he doesn't want to be deprived. doesn't want to give his entire self away. he wants to want, and not feel guilty over it.]

You can want things too, Jakurai. It's kind of hard to say that when you work in a setting where you are always at someone else's beck and call. Where you always have to tend to someone else.

But let me... tend to you for once. Don't worry about anything else tonight but me, okay?

[He pecks him again, and then nips his neck.]

[he knows Doppo's speaking the truth, that he's saying words that Jakurai would say to someone that's not him, someone who needed to hear it. and yet he wants to say that it's silly, that Doppo needs his care, so reflexive to say that sort of thing. by his nature, he wants to take care of someone else. it's foreign to be the recipient, to be cared for.

except then Doppo's teeth are on his neck, and he can't protest, when a wordless sound escapes his throat - his neck is sensitive, he's never forgotten - and maybe this wasn't such a farfetched idea at all.]

Okay. I'll try, Doppo.

[he can't promise more than that.]