kannonzaka doppo | mc DOPPO (
orenosei) wrote in
shinjukudivision2018-11-19 02:31 am
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doppo is like a cat under the stairs
you just gotta coax him out
and jakurai is really good at that.
you just gotta coax him out
and jakurai is really good at that.
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This time the kiss is far more confident, like Doppo has finally figured out what he wanted and is taking charge.
When he pulls away? He's a little more than breathless.]
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the confidence helps to clear out some of the doubt. this is what Doppo wants. and, Jakurai is beginning to feel, it's what he wants as well. remove the haze of doubt and apology. just be selfish, and take.
he's not the only one breathing harder when they break apart, Jakurai's eyes having closed and being slower to open. his eyes take in Doppo's face, his lips, the look in his eyes. and then he nods just a touch. it's still okay.]
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Is he basically hugging him? Yes.]
I couldn't think of another way to be closer, forgive me, Sensei.
[It's said with a small laugh.]
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...Jakurai.
[no need to be so formal. try his name again.]
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...Jakurai.
[He repeats after him.]
Sensei, do you... would you prefer if I called you that?
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[this is honest, and his arms wrap around Doppo a little better.]
But I also hope that one day you feel relaxed enough around me that you reach for my name first.
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[The name rolls off of his tongue so easily. So cleanly. He doesn't dislike it. Rather. He likes the feeling of his name. It swells pride within him.]
I can get used to this.
[He's really trying.]
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That's my sincere hope, Doppo-kun.
[that he's comfortable, and used to the name. that he doesn't feel like formality needs to come between them when they're talking alone.]
Say it as much as you want.
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Jakurai...
[One more time he is letting it roll off of his lips.]
Just....Doppo, then. It's fine.
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Doppo.
[he says it carefully, as if it'll disappear if he's not looking.]
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He might be a little bit in love, he thinks. But that isn't a thought he will fact on right away.]
Say it again, please.
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[and it's a little more confident this time. affectionate. maybe he doesn't know what he feels just yet - maybe it's not the same, maybe it is. but it doesn't change that he cares for Doppo highly, and that he wants to keep looking out for him, and to see him smile.
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All he wanted was this, and he received it by merely asking.]
I feel like I can forget my stress for a little while.
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[all of his stress could be locked outside the door. on reflex, Jakurai's hand moves up to soothingly rub Doppo's back - this is the most relaxed he's seen him ever, really. far be it from him to complain.]
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[He says that to reassure himself. To make sure Jakurai heard. Doppo grips his shoulders. Pressing little kisses on the other man's cheeks, his forehead. Where ever lips could touch skin.]
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(later, Jakurai will be able to go still, and feel the ghost of Doppo's hands on his shoulders. how they kept him anchored right where he was. how Doppo brought him there, and how much he might have needed that as much as the other.)
but his eyes are closed because he trusts him - trusts Doppo without hesitation, that in this space he can ask for what he wants, not just needs. stress, self consciousness, all the apologies - there's a solid door and a lock between them and now, and there is permission to simply exist.]
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[Doppo closes the small space between them and kisses his lips again, soft and more confident this time. It doesn't last very long, Doppo is quick to retreat.
But he's not hesitant to lean his full body on Jakurai now.]
I wonder if it is possible to always feel like this.
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Maybe not always, but more often, certainly. Whenever you can leave your stress at the door and say "enough." If, I think, you let yourself want more, and act on it more. Part of that tension is you trying to hold yourself back, instead of being yourself. Doppo.
[he can't help the slight lapse into advice - but he'll try to couple it as well with something from his heart, not the physician's handbook.]
If you need to be reminded of that more, you know I'm here.
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[He sighs happily, letting Jakurai tucks his head there.]
Are you happy right now...? With this arrangement. You and I, is what I mean.
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[he could say he was, but happiness was something he was careful with. kept close, so it didn't run. and there were so many different forms.]
But I know that I want to find out. To see where this possibility could take us. Does that make sense?
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[Doppo knows that he truly does not know happiness. Maybe he was trying to feel it for himself. Jakurai was the closest thing he could ever begin to feel like he could be happy around.
Hifumi, well, Hifumi was a completely different story. A completely different feeling in most respects. Hifumi is home to him, and Jakurai was happiness.]
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[it's rare that he asks for time, instead of giving it. but he can't properly say what he feels - this confusing mess of things. Doppo came to him looking for companionship, for relaxation, for the release of stress, not to gather Jakurai's own. no, he'll handle it. somehow.
pulling back some, he just looks at Doppo, studying him. remembering him, every small detail.]
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I want you to do what will be best for you, Jakurai.
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[he does not feel too much shame, admitting that to Doppo. Matenrou, he trusts with himself entire. he can be exposed, a little.]
Other than staying here, of course.
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[Doppo laughs a little under his breath, curling even closer to Jakurai at that.]
You know, I really am not the one to be asking for advice from. You really are a lot better at it than I am.
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